The earliest clear and concise recollection I have going to the movie theater was seeing "Back to the Future Part III" during a very hot summer day. I can remember standing in line outside with many others and then walking into that cool, comfortable theater and all it took was a wild west ride with the DeLorean and I was hooked. Other movie-going highlights include being both awestruck and scared shitless during "Jurassic Park", standing up and cheering with a sold out theater "Independence Day", camping out 12 hours before a movie was even set to premiere "Revenge of the Sith" and maybe most importantly seeing my first fully naked woman on the big screen (Thank you Kate Winslet in "Titanic".)
The movies and more specifically the theater has always been meant as an escape, this is why they became so poplar around the country during the great depression. Whether you are happy, sad or indifferent the movies allow you to take a "time out" from whatever is going on in your life and laugh, cry, cheer, boo or simply say "meh".
I'm writing this to declare my disdain for the whole movie theater experience lately. Recently I went out to see "The Purge", obviously a younger skewing movie. It was on a Tuesday night which at my local theater means $5.50 for your ticket, not a bad deal. The discount Tuesday deal has been around for awhile now and I'm beginning to notice its starting to bring out the....how should I say....well its brining out those who frequent auctions or trade shows during the weekend or have their DVR storage saved up with countless episodes of "Duck Dynasty" and "Bigfoot Hunters" or have multiple subscriptions to various auto trader magazines. As well as it being the summer time obviously a lot more 12-24 year olds are going to be out as well. I'm not indicating that the movie theater should be an exclusive club by any means, I just believe that as movies become more and more popular there needs to be a universal set of rules that each theater should abide by. These are in no way meant to be a Marxist regime these are just a few "suggestions" that will make the whole experience better for everyone and most importantly for the theaters, make them more money.
1. SIT DOWN AND SHUT UP
Once the previews are over and the movie has started nobody should be allowed to enter the theater. Nothing is worse than when you are trying to get involved in the beginning of a movie and someone or some people are walking into the theater, letting light in and having you get out of your seat so they can walk by. We can't outlaw people leaving to go the restroom but the theater should have a specific employee, the same who cards the kids before they enter an R rated feature to stand by the door and not let late arrivers in.
2. SPEAKING OF USHERS
Ushers need to be doing more than just tearing tickets and telling you the wrong theater that your movie is playing in. I'd appoint one usher to survey the theater from a designated corner for the duration of each showing. Your phone rings or you pull it out to send a tweet or facebook status update during the movie? You're gone. If you are constantly talking or getting up and down to answer a call from your beeper or being a general annoyance to those in the theater, you are gone.
3. FOOD AND BEVERAGE
Lastly, and most importantly the concession stand needs to be improved. Keep the classics like popcorn, candy and soda but does anyone really go to a movie theater with a hankering for a hot dog or nachos? AMPM serves each of these hotter and cheaper. In keeping with the corn theme I think one of those big corn on the cobs you can get at the state fair would be great or a nice hamburger or maybe a salad option for our vegan friends if the selection is expanded I might not feel so pissed when I shell out 7 bucks for a small popcorn. And booze, if I can go to any other major public event: ballgame, live theater, rodeo, truck pull etc and be able to get at least a beer then why cant I get one for a 2 hour movie? Romantic comedies would be much more tolerable for the guys if we could throw back a beer or two as would a action film if the ladies could sip on a nice glass of chardonnay.
There are exceptions to all rules of course and the big one here is that a lot of these rules do not apply if the theater is not at least 3/4 full. If you are in an awesomely bad horror movie and the theater is basically empty feel free to facebook, make snide remarks at the screen or make out with your significant other if you are so lucky....that's what I do.
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